A calm and composed me...

...doesnt exist at the moment. I thought i had finally come to terms with myself and life. I had. I was accepting of my circumstances and grateful for what i have. But now and again i experience these bouts of uncertainty, insecurities and self loathing, in these moments i am aware of my imperfections. I turn to God every moment asking for his strength and courage and especially his guidance. Most of the time i hear his voice but as soon as his voice leaves me so does the memory of what he said to me. So often i turn to him, so often i know what to do. So often i find it hard to execute the actions which i know i should.

I feel so alone, so uninspired. I feel like i have no real connection with anyone around me. Time and time again i see the world go by so fast and i feel my struggling with every attempt to step forward.

True happiness appears to me to be a dream beyond my power to make reality. How to do you convince yourself to be happy and appreciative and grateful for all that you have. How do you convince yourself to shrug off life's problems and instead concentrate on life's wonders. I know that there are those in worse circumstances than I, in light of this i still fail to convince myself that there is much to be happy about.