Trust

It is something that didn’t come easy. When I lost my faith I also lost my trust in people. It became a matter of guilty until proven innocent. And like Skylark I had found that I had trusted too easily and when my trust was betrayed my world turned upside down. If trusting someone can lead me to be hurt, then why should I? For a long time I felt the only person I could trust was myself.

It was a long time before I came to trust anyone again. I can’t say exactly what happened that allowed me to change, only that restoring my faith in Christ allowed me to trust again. I realised that I missed out on so much of life’s beauty because of my cynicism, because I could not bring myself to trust anyone. I was missing out on love, friendships, and happiness. I’ve come to realise that with faith in the Lord, even if those I love betray my confidence, I am still able to get back on my feet and forgive and forget.

Trust is a wonderful thing. It makes my world feel less bleak, less cold. Without it I found I was living a life filled with disappointments, a disappointment because I felt alone and there was no way around it. Sure enough there may come a time when my trust will be betrayed but I know when it happens I can trust that God will heal my wounds. Trust allowed me happiness, allowed me to experience the beautiful things in life.

Love

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Love is a condition or phenomenon of emotional primacy, or absolute value. Love generally includes an emotion of intense attraction to either another person, a place, or thing; and may also include the aspect of caring for or finding identification with those objects, including self love. Love can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience usually felt by a person for another person. Love is commonly considered impossible to define.
The concept of love, however, is subject to debate. Some deny the existence of love, calling it a recently invented abstraction. Moreover, approximately 13 percent of cultures reportedly have no word for love.[1] Others maintain that love exists but is indefinable; being a quantity which is spiritual, metaphysical, or philosophical in nature. Love is one of the most common themes in art. An unfinished debate about the authenticity of love as other-regard began with Friedrich Nietzsche's charge that love is merely an ideology constructed by the weak to mask "resentment" about their lack of power. Critics of Nietzsche's view find gratuitous his assumptions that self-interest and the "will to power" overshadow all other concerns.

...What do yous think?

Whatever this emotion I'm feeling, this state of mind that i am in... its the most euphoric sensation ever. Love or not i wouldn't want it any other way. The most amazing things happen when you least expect them to. The Lord must love me so dearly to have dropped such a gift into my lap.

Life is beautiful

So much has changed… Max its like you said when you have a feeling its usually right. And that I should trust my instinct. Things went from bad to great. At the moment I’m in a place where no one can touch me… I am just that happy… After almost 3 years in one r/s I would never have thought I’d find someone else. But I have and I thank God for that… for making life amazing I still might not have everything I want but I have more than I need. And for that I’m definitely grateful. At the moment life is so beautiful.

Drowning

Everytime I find the strength to pick myself up and do what i need to do, I find that there is always something else that knocks me back down. Its like getting tossed around by waves. And the second you get a chance to come up for air another wave rolls over you sending you tumbling. It happens again and again and soon you start to lose hope that you'll ever get out of it alive.

Do you ever feel like you're drowning? Ever feel you have no control? Like there's no saving your own life? Feel like you've lost all sense of direction?

A really bad day at work has made me ask myself whether I'm cut out for this type of work. Made me reconsider my direction in life. My purpose. I started out helping adults and then i thought i needed to help kids... it's so much more difficult. I asked God whether this was what i am supposed to be doing. Is this my calling? I don't know. Because I don't know whether or not I have the strength to endure or the skill to deliver.

Is this what I'm meant to be doing? Am i meant to just hold on? Or is this a wake up call? Is God telling me that I should continue my search for something else?

Lord show me your light and guide me in the right direction. Please give me the wisdom to know what to do and the courage and strength to do what i need to.

Ever since, every day I pray
I beg for his guidance and love,
I ask for his courage and strength.
I pray he sends me a blessing to go on.
I find a smile upon my face
and i find the days flying past
I stop to wonder where its all coming from
But i can't imagine where
For i look around and see nothing
I freeze myself in time and it dawns on me
God has sent me an angel
He diverts my saddness and transforms my being
I'm still afraid for I am not ready
but i thank God for what i have
I pray I can keep what i've found
or have the strength to turn it away.
Ever since, every day i pray
I beg for his wisdom and kindness
I give thanks for that which i've been blessed
And still I pray for his courage and strength.

Yesterday i just got back from Port Stephens. Our little weekend away was my birthday gift to him. We had fun just hanging out at the beach and relaxing. It was so good to spend some time alone with him. I love him so much. I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

Port Stephens was awesome. Its such a lovely place, really laid back. I want to go again! i can't get enough of it. So many good memories! But now back to reality.

Do you ever feel like you haven't done enough with your life? Like you haven't accomplished anything of worth? It's definitely my own fault i feel that way. I've been putting things off for too long. I have to get back on my feet, do what i need to do and make the most of every opportunity. It's hard though, because when things don't go your way, you feel like you let yourself down. I feel like just giving up and i lose sight of what it is that i really want. I start to wonder away from God. I lock myself in this dark place and i numb all my senses. i don't want to look at the world, i don't want to hear anyone's voice and i don't want to take any body's outreached hand. I just want to lock myself away and forget about everything, forget about me.

I try to forget about those feelings. Through those times i suppose God just needs me to have faith and lean on him. Trust that he has given me the strength to recover and blessed me with the gift to make things happen. It's so hard for me to remember these things while facing adversity.

Precious moments

Being showered in a cleansing warmth
And immersed in a fluid brilliance
Past the farthest horizon
While my body resides with the millions

I feel the attraction pull me forward
A faint resistance losing its grip
My mind soaring through the worlds
My soul now in release

The moment feels like forever
The feeling –eternal peace
Lightness elsewhere never experiences
Lifted off me the weight with ease

Everytime I share the moments with my treasures
I hold onto every moment with strength
If only this calm was endless
No need for life to be retread.